2 Gay Dads, 12 Happy Kids
UPDATE: This article was originally posted a year ago but I just found a video about the family described here and thought it’s well worth it updating this. Check it out, it below and if anyone ever uses “family values” as an argument against anything regarding gay families or parents, just show them this video…
It’s 11-year-old Andrew’s turn to set the table for dinner, and he deals out 14 paper plates as if they were playing cards. Marcus, 5, climbs onto a bench and announces, "It smells like pancakes." His brother, 3-year-old Cooper, counters, "I think it smells like chicken." "It smells like Ambrose," says Logan, 7, climbing in between Cooper and their sister Ambrose, who’s 4. She glares at the laughing boys. Actually, it smells like spaghetti. A big pot of homemade sauce is bubbling on the stove.
The six littlest children fit on the 9-foot-long bench along one side of the table. Andrew and the four other big kids sit in chairs on the other side. Olivia, the baby of the family, is in a high chair. Daddy sits at one end, Papa at the other. Steven and Roger Ham are raising 12 children, all adopted from foster care, in Arizona, one of the most unlikely places for two gay men to piece together a family.
The Ham family. More photos.
In Arizona, two men can’t be married, nor adopt children together. In his 2008 run for U.S. president, Arizona Sen. John McCain, who with wife Cindy has an adopted daughter, said he opposed allowing gay people to adopt. "I think that we’ve proven that both parents are important in the success of a family, so, no, I don’t believe in gay adoption," McCain said during an appearance in Wisconsin.
That same year, Arizonans approved a ban on gay marriage by 56 percent of the vote. Since 1997, conservative Arizona lawmakers have introduced a half-dozen bills that would keep single people, including gays and lesbians, from becoming foster parents or adopting children in the state’s care, or would move married couples to the top of the waiting list for adoptions. Those attempts -- one as recent as last year -- failed to muster enough votes. But this year was different. On April 18, Gov. Jan Brewer signed a bill that gives preference to married couples in state and private adoptions, all other criteria being equal. Yet, in 2009, the governor gave Steven and Roger Ham an award for their efforts at keeping siblings in foster care together through adoption.
"As someone who was raised from the age of 10 by a widowed mother, I am well aware that single or unmarried individuals can make wonderful parents," Brewer says. "This legislation merely establishes marital status of adoptive parents among a host of factors to be considered when placing a child." Opponents, however, contend that marriage doesn’t guarantee a stable and loving family. Read on… (Yeah, it’s a pretty long article but it’s worth it)




about 2 years ago
Great story, those kids are indeed the lucky ones.
about 2 years ago
Three reactions after reading the article:
1.) Oooooooh *sniffel*
2.) There is hope for humanity
3.) But damn it’s a long way yet
By the way these articles are the main reason I come here every day. (of course wet wednesday helps, but still) Thanks Josh
about 2 years ago
that sentence stood out for me:
‘Your mom did the most remarkable thing, because she let us adopt you, so we could give you a better life,’
thats exactly what i told my physical mum when i met her the first time…
about 2 years ago
Hmmm :) there are some days when I think things are a little better for gay people than they once were and this is one of them :) My own experience supports their belief that a loving home is the key to producing happy emotionally healthy adults no matter what the ‘structure’ of that home is by virtue of its ‘parent’ people. 20 years working with kids proved over and over again the young of our species thrive on love and mutual respect, no matter who it is giving it.
about 2 years ago
I agree with Alex.
Does it have to be to “gay” guys? What if there were three or ten or a hundred? Why call it a marriage? Why couldn’t it be a commune to adopt lots of unwanted kids run by like minded people who may be of any sexual persuasion? Kids do well when they are brought up in a caring and loving environment whether it consists of one or any other number of people.
about 2 years ago
You are right!
That’s exact the salient point (springende Punkt).
Nikki
about 2 years ago
I can´t hear this “I think that we’ve proven that both parents are important in the success of a family, so, no, I don’t believe in gay adoption,” anymore…It means nothing else but Gay parents raise gay kids so we need to stop it…I mean seriously McCain? Single parents shouldnt be allowed to raise their children? Look at your sentence again regarding all those single mums and dads living in this world raising their children very well.
And I bet that those 2 got more love for their kids than most of the “always annoyed because they didnt even want kids but failed at using condoms and didnt think about the results like 4 or 5 times without learning out of it”-parents.
Also Im pretty sure those children will never bully or discriminate other any human being for being a little bit diffrent!
about 2 years ago
Actually, I disagree with you on that last sentence, because sadly I’ve had personal experience with people who are LGBT or know someone who is and they’ll even pick on other LGBT people or people with other problems. It’s shocking how you can be one of the most vilified minorities in America and still have so little understanding for other people but I’ve seen it.
about 2 years ago
Wow, what a great story. After reading the entire article, I’m moved by what the Ham’s have done and are continuing to do, despite all of the barriers and bad laws they’ve encountered. We need more Stevens and Rogers in this world.
about 2 years ago
What a great read. As a gay dad of my own little girl, Sarah, we (gay men) have proven we can do just about anything except to flop out a breast to feed a child. While Sarah is mine biologically and not adopted, I think I have proven that raising a child to be happy, loving, and content child can be done. Has it been easy? No, it hasn’t. Has it been worth the effort? Without a doubt. Was it a terriyfing thought of taking on parenthood? Can’t even explain how much it scared me. But it has proven to be one of the very best things to ever happen to me; that and Aaron of course.
Granting the fact that my Mom started out raising Sarah when I was in school was a huge advantage. I would never have had a clue as to what to do on my own right off. But I learned. Sarah learned even more that I did and then we learned together. Now she is utterly comfortable and confident of who she is, even though she sometimes thinks she is the boss (thanks Mom :) ), We host at least 2 sleep-over night weekends a month now. We take Sarah and some of her friends to the movies before the sleep-overs. We do things any family would do.
So, yeah. We can do as good a job as anyone else can do. We can raise happy, healthy, loving children to be happy, healthy, loving adults. It just takes work and dedication, just like in any other family setting.
We can did it.
about 2 years ago
Perhaps Senator McCain should get to know more people like you. Then again he’d probably deny that you have a happy family and call it witchcraft or something, knowing him. But it’s worth a shot!
about 2 years ago
“except to flop out a breast to feed a child.”
Isn’t impossible, a men have the potential for it. A male’s breast at birth is the same as a female’s breast, after that it’s hormones…
about 2 years ago
Whew. What a breath of fresh air to get some good news on the topic. Thanks for this, Josh.
about 2 years ago
this renews hope. god bless them all
about 9 months ago
It must be hard for them financialy, Roger lost his job and has to drive a school bus to make ends meet.
about 9 months ago
The updated video is great, and seeing this happy loving family together brought tears to my eyes. What these two guys have done and are doing is absolutely amazing. The love and caring Roger and Steven are giving to these twelve children is beyond what a lot of hetero two parent families are capable of. Thanks for this update, Josh :)
about 9 months ago
12 kids….do they ever sleep?.. and what about money?
about 9 months ago
Of course this is a beautiful story. But these are not the family values of conservative bigots. It will always be us against them.
about 9 months ago
If there really is a God, he is smiling down on this beautiful gay couple, and the nest they’ve created for these children. When all these children are grown they will realize just how much more valuable that love was than money. A wonderful story. Thank you.
about 9 months ago
Here’s the latest news on the Ham family. Thanks to a nice judge from Washington State, where gay couples can both legally adopt children as a couple, they are now BOTH parents to all 12 of their children.
Even though Arizona will not recognize their relationship and they could always run into some anti-gay bigot working in State Government that will refuse to recognize their legal Washington State adoption.
http://www.azcentral.com/news/articles/2012/07/26/20120726gay-dads-kids-family.html
about 9 months ago
@eddie89: Thanks for the link, it was a heart warming read. They had a fabulous vacation, and thanks to the lawyer in Vancouver Washington, both parents are now on all of the children’s birth certificates. I’m in awe over how they overcome the financial burden they must have!
about 9 months ago
Having been a foster parent I can only marvel at this family! Just the organisation involved is amazing, never mind meeting everyone’s emotional needs. Brilliant!
about 9 months ago
Now this would make a more interesting Cheaper By the Dozen.