Homosexuality: Legitimate, Alternate Deathstyle
America is the El Dorado of the Western comic world. But besides queer comics like Batman they also have quite an output of those raging against the most beloved sin of the Christians…
For 204 pages, this book covers both aspects of homosexuality from anal insertion to putting things up the butt. The book is narrated by three main characters: one guy making up medical facts about bath houses and anal leakage, a disgusted guy who is learning what gay people do for the first time and a gay guy who is ashamed of himself. And since the author is a stupid dick, all three characters are dipshits. More of this fascinating handbook can be found online here.
Imagine for a moment you’ve only met one black person. His name is Chris. One day you spend three straight hours asking him questions about his sex life. Later, after Chris has punched you, you write down what he said and call it, The Black Truths About All Black People. That book would be more accurate and less offensive than Homosexuality: Legitimate, Alternate Deathstyle.
It’s fun watching stupid people come to scientific conclusions. Speaking of, if only 85 percent of gay men started out that way, then that means that 15 percent of women make men want to turn gay! That … that actually sounds about right.
The book walks a very fine line between sensationalized anti-gay sentiments and practical tips on how to fuck homosexual gentlemen.
Dick Hafer has tracked down the most reliable enema and poop-eating surveys to help you get the facts. And since I know you’re curious about "handballing …"
This guy isn’t being fair at all. Of course fisting is going to sound horrible if you don’t mention the music and the clapping spectators. Unless I’m thinking of karaoke. No … no, I’m thinking of fisting. Ugh, gay anthropology class is hard.
That’s right, many homosexuals kiss. I didn’t find this very shocking, but it marked the point of the book where I realized the author was crazy in more than just the one specific way. This is the kind of guy who has to put two condoms on before he scolds his own penis.
I’m the kind of guy who only licks a girl’s butt when it’s her birthday or something, so I haven’t given this a ton of thought, but to me the gross part of anilingus is not that someone might have gotten saliva in their rectum. That’s like getting upset that someone spilled chili all over your human finger.
I was making fun of the book earlier, but in my experience this all seems perfectly accurate.
Homosexuals handling food? Now I’ve heard everything!
Here’s what weirds me out the most about this book. The author obviously spends a lot of time imagining and reading about sodomy. And here he has a list of homosexual people from all walks of life. And yet in his wildest imagination, he can’t seem to picture gay people being any more complicated than "filled with semen." There are no shy gay people sitting at home alone. There are no gay couples enjoying a non-dildo hobby together. In Dick’s mind, every single one of them is elbow-deep in a butthole and drowning in pee at all hours of the day. Homosexuals don’t have a second personality type, which I guess explains why gay dating profiles just have a line for "Name" and nothing else.
What kind of ladies does this fucking maniac date that he thinks only gay men kiss and give blowjobs? Oh no, I just figured it out: ladies with duct tape over their mouths.
More fun with those anti gay comics over at Cracked. Thanks for the heads up to Zizzimay.
0Tolerance isn’t good enough
about 1 day ago - 39 comments
If you want to learn how to measure the vast distance between “tolerance” and “acceptance,” join the Boy Scouts of America. Yesterday, 61% of 1,400 voting members of the BSA’s National Council voted to “remove the restriction denying membership to youth on the basis of sexual orientation alone.” Before you start writing “thank you” letters More >
You’re intolerant & a Bully
about 2 days ago - 27 comments
Well, that’s rich. US house representive Jim Bridenstine took the floor in the House this week calling out “the left” (implying something like this exists in US politics) for their “intolerance” of demanding gay youth to be allowed into the boy scouts. Because, you know, if you want everyone to be treated equal you’re being More >
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about 5 days ago - 17 comments
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Adventure Time Voice Actor Jeremy Shada | More of him here & here +138
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Queer News Iceland: World’s first openly gay prime minister quits politics Estonia: 35,000 sign petition to oppose marriage equality Italian equal opportunities minister resigns over homophobia US Boy Scouts may start allowing in gay kids but not adults McDonald’s worker harassed by management for being too gay Other News UK internet providers collaborate on government More >
about 1 year ago
Anal insertion, and putting things up the butt are not the same thing?
Edit – Tried to read the comic, I couldn’t get passed the 4th frame. It is of course insanely ignorant, but beyond that it is just stupid…
about 1 year ago
How on Earth did you make it to the fourth frame without losing several IQ?
about 1 year ago
LMAO! Good point!
about 1 year ago
No shit. Stupid people dominate Earth, unfortunately. I am trying to embrace ignoring hate. It’s hard. Ignore the bad, reward the good, this is the mantra for child development 1o1. I’m workin’ on it. I guess it’s a philosophical oxymoron to want to punch haters.
about 1 year ago
and it is legal to print this garbage? (facepalm)
about 1 year ago
Legal yes, because the constitution is there to allow folks to print things most folks would object to. Were it not so it is sure that there would be no pro LGBT Literature either.
about 1 year ago
That’s debatable. Printing such a comic would be illegal in Sweden because it would qualify as hate speech, LGBT literature, even of ephebophilic nature, on the other hand is still legal.
about 1 year ago
And once again, I’m grateful to live in a country where I can say anything I damn well please without fear of being arrested simply because it offended someone.
about 1 year ago
Different people have different priorities. I for one, prefer to live in a country were queers don’t have to fear to become the victim of a hate crime committed by people who grow up surrounded by hateful messages like the one in this comic.
about 1 year ago
The comic is filled with ignorant, arrogant, stupidity. I count myself lucky that I have a 19 year old straight christian friend who has sex with me on a semi-regular basis. I hate the idea of him being treated badly by his friends or family if they knew.
about 1 year ago
………then how is he straight lol?
about 1 year ago
He says he’s straight – so I let him keep that.
He is forever with multiple girlfriends.
I am just the guy he trusts to not tell others anything different is going on.
about 1 year ago
I’ve got news for you…. he is gay. Yup. Straight men don’t have sex with guys – repeatedly. Next time he is fucking you just be like ‘LOL! You’re such a fag when you suck my cock and put your dick in my ass!’ and then he’ll have an existential breakdown.
about 1 year ago
What?? Did he said “no homo” after sex? Was that it? Or are you using straight to define his character and not his sexuality?
about 1 year ago
Honestly, I find the comic to be hilarious in it’s lack of logic and pity anyone dumb enough to take it seriously.
There’s going to be ignorant, hateful people no matter what you do. If one of them expresses their hatred with violence, lock them up and throw away the key or toss them in the chair.
It’s really sad so many are willing to trade freedom for security.
about 1 year ago
I agree completely.
But, at the other hand, there is such a thing as the freedom of speech. We can’t forbid bad ideas not forbidding good ideas. I’m personally not against silly books like that. Even if my ( will-be) kids read that crap it’s rather good than bad. It would teach them to sharpen their logical thinking and moral reasoning.
about 1 year ago
I SO repeatedly and consistently wished that I’d grown up in a country like Sweden, if not exactly Sweden itself. Man, Josh, I’m sure it’s that you have a good / sane / level view of things in general, but it seems to me that a lot of the laws in Sweden are based on common SENSE, not knee-jerk philopsophy / etc.
Anyway, thanks for the post, the site, etc, as always.
about 1 year ago
Common sense is not so common. They should put a glass bubble over Sweden as it is an ignigma to the rest of the planet. They seem to prefer sex to violence.
about 1 year ago
I can’t accept this “the most beloved sin of the Christians” shit. Lots of my friends are Christians and some of them are gay. Nobody of them thinks homosexuality is their “beloved sin”.Your words are unfair, rude, and insulting. Not all Christians are stupid fundamentalists ( and not all Muslims are members of Al-Qaeda btw.)
For real, not faked and straw-man Christians the main sins are mass murder ( = wars), mass robbery ( = taxes), and child slavery ( = public education). Why I respect them.
about 1 year ago
Sajhak:
You never cease to spread the ignorance. “the most beloved sin of the Christians” is quite correct (I just wouldn’t have used the word “beloved”). There is nothing that christians and all religious hate more than homosexuality because it, alone, is the strongest proof that all religions are pure bullshit and quite frankly, the strongest proof of the non-existence of any “god” (to any intelligent and rational human that can accept logic and reason).
I wrote a post in here over 9 months ago detailing exactly that. Here’s the link:
http://www.milkboys.org/article/anti-bullying-lessons-gay/
The thread is: Anti-Bullying Lessons? Gay!
It doesn’t matter that you know some “christian” gays — I think we all do. You really need to get out of your brainwashed closet of religion and see the true facts.
about 1 year ago
I find it difficult to hate God, when he clearly warned us how ignorant his followers could be.
God has never made homosexuality his focus or primary Sin.
That is the work of those who pay lipservice to faith.
Christ and God promoted the 10 Commandments and the Golden Rule. Neither said it was OK to Murder. Neither said anything about Homosexuality.
Christ became Angriest at the Merchants who worked for the High Priests and was murdered because he would not stand for their hypocrisy.
Know that God or Christ loves all of mankind..
He has made clear it is each mans heart alone that he will Judge.
He does not apply the standards of the Church but your own standards.
If you feel you have struggled well, and have helped others? There is every chance you have, and God will say “well done my good, and faithful servant.
Love God, Love others, do no harm..
about 1 year ago
CV:
Yet another in the brainwashed closet of religion. Just like all other religious freaks, you immediately start using what I like to call “double-speak” because, typically, you are afraid to actually speak/answer the direct questions at hand (because you can’t/refuse to by intellectual means), but instead delve into “related” crap just to justify your preference for some religion.
Read carefully what I posted at that link above and maybe (but doubtful at this point) you just might recognize what religion is all about. You will find that most true rationalists will agree with what I state — because we don’t need talking snakes, burning bushes and virgin “mothers” to understand the basic building blocks of life.
about 1 year ago
you seem a little brainwashed yourself if you can’t read between the lines. most rationalists understand the importants of religion and spirituality from both a developmental stand point as well as for the building blocks of an emerging society. you should not judge people for believeing in somthing especialy when they are doing it in a way that promotes kindness and acceptence with out burying them selves in dogma. don’t become judgmental of peoples religion like people have judged you for being gay
about 1 year ago
And yet another brainwashed religious idiot. You’ll say anything (PC) to make an excuse for a religion. And for you “between the lines” is just a euphemism for “accept god/jc and you will be saved.”
No one needs religion just to do good or help the “building blocks” of any society, period.
about 1 year ago
i’m not saying that you should become a christian i am just saying don’t bag people for believing in something or you become as bad as the people who hold the signs saying “God hates Fags”
about 1 year ago
@ timma –
“…don’t bag people for believing in something or you become as bad as the people who hold the signs saying “God hates Fags””
VERY well put indeed!!
about 1 year ago
So I am in a “brainwashed closet of religion”? It’s about me, an atheist in fifth generation? Hmm…
You sound more as a religious nut than as a rational man. Belligerent anti-religionaries are the same fanatics.
Intelligence and rationality? Do you deny it to people like Newton, Godel, Buridan, Bach, Copernicus, Maxwell, Chesterton, Mendel, Cantor, Florensky, and lots-lots-lots of other Christian scientists and artists?
And then, if you think that religion is the basis of homophobia how can you explain the fact that among developed nations Russia and China, where atheism was an official religion for decades are the most homophobic while Catholic Spain and Argentina recognise same-sex marriage?
about 1 year ago
“America is the El Dorado of the Western comic world” Not really. I would say Europe is better at that. Better quality, more originality (and bigger production of different series, not just different autors for the same series I believe). Also they are a lo less prude. But that’s just my opinion.
about 1 year ago
Let’s settle for “El Dorado of the commercial Western comic world”?
about 1 year ago
Agreed! America seems to strive to be the El Dorado of commercialism.
about 1 year ago
lol, this reminds me of the pamphlets I use to get in church about Halloween and kids being handed over to Satan through candy.
“Sensationalism through misinterpretation and misrepresentation. ”
besides everyone knows that -
“Fisting is what professional boxers do to each others face.”
about 1 year ago
Perhaps a Catholic priest authored those pamphlets while pondering over the idea of Trick or Treat.
about 1 year ago
This feels like a poe. “What consenting adults do in the privacy of their home can hurt you.”
The sad thing is that it probably isn’t. There are legitimately people dumb enough to think that.
about 1 year ago
As George Carlin once said:
“Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.”
about 1 year ago
Carlin was a great thinker.
about 1 year ago
The best part of this is that almost everything he describes homosexuals doing is done by heterosexuals as well.
Oh no! gays kiss and give blow jobs!
about 1 year ago
Search parameters are actually quite amusing. It takes a while to bring up the non-heterosexual on the first go when typing the specific fetish. ( a couple years ago.)
And to clarify; I did this for research only! I was curious how the parameters changed over time through the not-invading your-privacy-help that various sites automatically do. At the time I had a freshly installed laptop that I had to re-install anyways. (I accidentally installed 32 bit instead of 64 bit.)
I was curious how many times the individual would have to actually specify gay, male within the paramaters to change the primary listing from heterosexual to homosexual. The second time I simply scrolled through the pages and clicked on the male version every time; and then closed/refreshed the session.
about 1 year ago
Somehow you just made porn not fun. >_>
about 1 year ago
Nice. Did you just compare Taxes to robbery, and Public education to slavery?
Is that really you Rupert Murdoch?
Wow. I don’t normally condone suicide, but in your case I fear I need to make an exception. So please, do the world’s gene pool a favor. There really is no reason for you to continue living in the face of such ignorance and blatant stupidity.
about 1 year ago
Yes, nice.
Taxes ARE mass robbery and compulsory public education IS child slavery.
I’d like to thank you for your care of my gene pool. But I have to say your solution ( my suicide) is not effective. Some wise men ( Joseph Stalin especially, who has eliminated 7 million of us nasty Ukrainian bastard peasants who hated taxes and public schools) did it much better. You’re a good student of him but a far cry from a perfect one.
P.S. Your remark about Murdoch would be funny if it wasn’t so silly.
about 1 year ago
Apparently, the book is from 1986 and its author is dead. That’s a relief…
But in a way this comic is in fact very interesting, especially if you have an interest in intellectual self-defence (on this topic, “A Short Course in Intellectual Self-Defence” by Normand Baillargeon is a must-read). To us it’s obvious it’s all just bullshit, because our experience obviously speaks against the hate speech of this book.
But it is in fact a good manipulation book, very well adapted to its public (conservative Christian youth), I know it would have worked well on me, in my childhood and early teen years. It must have worked on many people, I guess. It reminds me of nazi propaganda, the same skill at using large amounts of facts and pseudo facts, never directly exposing the ideology, but letting its stinking flow leak from every page, every detail, every biased and distorted fact, playing with negative emotions like disgust, envy, superiority feeling, … to insidiously flatter its reader, and, little by little, confine him into a hateful righteousness feeling.
about 1 year ago
Did the author die of AIDS?
about 1 year ago
@ Bruce – LOL! wondered the same thing myself!
about 1 year ago
Well, he died after a long illness, I couldn’t find more precise info. It sure would be very ironic, if it were the case.
about 1 year ago
I’d easily consider (any) religion a form of child abuse and slavery.
about 1 year ago
I like the guy who said to treat religion like your penis – don’t wave it around in public, and don’t shove it down your kids’ throats.
about 1 year ago
ROFL! I’m definitely going to start using that.
about 1 year ago
@ Dave – “…your penis – don’t wave it around in public…”
Is that why I keep getting into trouble?
about 1 year ago
By the way, I think there is a typo on the front page : the real name of the author must be Dick Hater, not Hafer.
about 1 year ago
I wish I would have read this when I was 12yo, I would have known a lot more stuff to do with my friends
about 1 year ago
You sound like Dewboy
about 1 year ago
God, I love cracked.com
Their articles tend to show up on every blog I read, whether it be on political economics or gay rights.
That said, this comic is horrible and I’m almost as outraged as I was when I originally read this same article on Cracked a few days ago. (or was it yesterday?)
about 1 year ago
Does cracked.com have anything to do with Cracked magazine from the 1960′s?
about 1 year ago
@ Bruce – I love you’re comments, they really crack me up…
about 1 year ago
Thanks. I think you’re fun.
about 1 year ago
i am fun. my cat told me so…
about 1 year ago
Best book review ever.
about 1 year ago
Penboy, What exactly is your deal with religion, everytime I see a comment by you it’s a really annoying attack on anyone even remotely religious, I’m religious (Catholic, so have fun with that) and I’m also gay. I’ve seen many over the top atheists and anti-theists but god damn it, you make them look reasonable.
about 1 year ago
Brian said “I’ve seen many over the top atheists and anti-theists but god damn it, you make them look reasonable.”
That’s only because you haven’t met me yet! I don’t think PenboyX2 goes far enough in his condemnation of monotheism.
“The accursed places, in which Christianity has hatched its
basilisk eggs, should be razed to the ground and be, as vile places of the earth, the terror of all posterity. One should breed poisonous snakes there.”
‘One should call the “holy” story by the name that it deserves, as the accursed story; one should use the words “God,” “Saviour,” “redeemer,” “saint” as invectives, as criminal badges.’
about 1 year ago
is the rest of the book available to view like this?
about 1 year ago
ROTFLMAO!!!! haha, me TOO!!!!
about 1 year ago
Am I the only one who found this comic hilarious?
about 1 year ago
No.
about 1 year ago
ok, I read it, and it gave me a bone…
about 1 year ago
Ah, to be young again and easy to please.
about 1 year ago
It’s so stupid it’s quite hilarious
That tone all of it is written in! Like straight people don’t do that or something, hah.
about 1 year ago
I was working the PFLAG for the 4th. We get to talk to all kinds of people, believe me. This guy walked up and identified himself as a Seven Day Adventist minister. I thought, ‘Oh boy, here we go!’ But…he was quite articulate and has a gay bother that their parents hated until they died. That was hard for him to take-the hating part. And now he has a 11yr old son who is “choosing a different path in life than he chose”. He really is trying to stop the hate.
And in his humor and candor he said and I quote, “Ya know how it is, we hate you (queers) in that loving Christian way.” Best religious quote EVER.
about 1 year ago
The cover says “legitimate” so I guess we all get to keep doing “it”!
about 1 year ago
Gods, it’s good I’m teaching myself to sandbox things I read. This kind of tripe will not manage to lower my IQ.
You know… this stuff gives insanity a bad name. :\