56 thoughts on “SEX!”

  1. Lmfaooo that is one of the funniest things I have ever seen!
    Hahahahahahahahahahahagagagagaga.

  2. First, how would a parent know the masturbation fantasies of their children? I am sure most won’t tell. The other thing is, that masturbation is a completely normal part of human’s sexual development and sexuality. Sadly, the “concerned” American Housewifes often act irrational and hysteric if they learn of something like this, but probably did it themselves.

  3. My gods… this is pathetic and nauseating. The more I learn of Man, Philosophy, Theology, History … you name it, the more I despair. Sex and Love are one of the few joys in life and these troglodytes want to squash it. They fear and feel a desperate need to spread their fear to everyone else. Bah.

      1. Well I guess there are times when you have to exaggerate the obsurd in order to see it. I admit it had me going.

    1. And think about it. In parts of the world woman are having slivers of flesh cut off their genitals to take that away from them. And only a hundred years ago male circumcision was brought to America for the sole belief that it could prevent boys from masturbating, and having a sexual outlet for themselves. Its disgusting the kinds of things people try to do to stamp out something so normal and healthy.

      1. Well for me, the circumcision didn’t work and I wish I had a choice in that matter.

  4. Is this a video of an actual news program? This is a spoof, right? The reporters complain that kids will learn to believe that sex is “exciting and enjoyable.” Kids who watch porn “will learn to believe that sex is fun.” And then the sexist comment of a man lieing to a woman. I have actually known a few women who lied and slept around. Please tell me Josh that this was not a live broadcast.

    1. Josh –
      I thought it was HILLARIOUS.
      Couldn’t believe everyone seemed to think it was real hehe.
      It made my day :).

    2. Don’t you dare, I mean, the best thing about irony is that certain people don’t get it! :P

    3. Lmao, that was hillarriousss xD. NO PARODY CATEGORY! Then how would we get the chance of being fooled? ^-^

  5. OOOOOOOOOhohohohohohohohoh! Hahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

    i LOOOOOOOOOOOve LOVE LOVE LOVE the Onion. They are so smart!!!

  6. Ahh the goog old onion … the sad part is … that there is always a grain of truth in the satire. Some people Do feel and speak like those guys in the video. :-(

  7. It was so real – I did just realice I´s a parody when reading the titles and names.

    I belong to a generation that grew up without porn – and I have to confess that my phantasy and immagination did reach far beyond these “facts I was tought in school and by my parents”.

    1. Actually it wasn’t that real but I have the same aperseption as you having grown up in the same generation. You and I have actually listened to people talk like this when we were at a very impressionable age.

  8. This is a nice satire but there is a serious point: pornography can indeed be bad. I am an old-fashioned believer in the ancient Greeks, and their main concern was: not too much! Never too much. Pornography can be too much for some people, especially for the young ones. It can stir up expectations that can never be fulfilled, and the outcome is…: how boring, the movie was so much more exciting.

  9. Clever and funny. I think kids will be less likely to search out porn when they get older because they have become inured by the shear volume available on the internet. As for kids sexual fantasies, I just conjured up an image of my favorite schoolmate naked in the gym shower when I was a kid. It worked.

  10. “There’s no such thing as love in the world, there’s only pain. ”
    -> what a sad sack is that?!… srsly… noone should ask someone like that about what’s right for kids.

  11. of course its a joke, can you see ANY of them getting laid? i mean sex probably isn’t enjoyable for them cause they can’t get any. especially tubby w/ the glasses, i’m sure she has a great dane at home that she spreads it for when she calls it a day at the donut shop!

  12. I think this should be made compulsory viewing for all parents,teachers,POLITICIANS and any other figure of authourity who say they act in the best interests of children. We need more like this just to show them how ridiculous they.

  13. The Onion does indeed make some funny and real-looking “news” bits, but anyone that couldn’t catch that this was a spoof in the first 30 seconds is seriously in need of a sense of humor. It wasn’t that “clever” or “real” sounding…SO over the top that I have to seriously question the mental faculties of anyone that didn’t catch on until someone told them.

    1. You are right it wasn’t that clever. At first I was in disbelief but I do not always trust my perception. I will admit that it had me going. For me that is the humor and it was fun.

  14. I have theonion.com as part of my homepage. They have some extremely funny articles and videos. Like:
    Area 15-Year-Old Only Homosexual in Whole World (2/18/98)
    Area Man Experimenting with Homosexuality For Past Eight Years (10/25/00)
    Price of Penis-Shaped Swimming Pool Negotiated (8/28/02)
    Newly Out Gay Man Overdoing It (10/9/02)
    Gay Teen Worried He Might be Christian (1/12/10)

  15. The people on these shows need to get a REALITY check and GET a life. How can they forget what it was like when they were teens so easily?
    Its people like these that get supurb books banned. for example Lord of the Flies, harry Potter and over 100 other well loved volumes.

  16. In America they are so hypocrit, it is beyond belief!
    The biggest problem overthere is not porn or sex but violence on every TV channel you see. In the news and in the TV series everywhere. That couses that children learn that it is normal that a problem can be solved with violence. The biggest export product of the USA is violence in movies, TV series, News programms and military not at the least. That is what I call PERVERT Not a few nudes on the internet, or some people having fun with eachother. We need a new sexual revolution.
    Think free!

    1. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Finally I am hearing someone say it besides me. You nailed it. Violence is an american export and it is sad to see teens in europe and scandenavia copy american teen hip hop/rap culture. We censer porn but allow rap music with its disgusting and vulgar message of violenc. Youth violence in this country is a disgrace. I could say a lot but I would be labled as a racist. American’s as a whole do in fact love violence.

  17. Was that Stephen Colbert as one of the participants? I remember him with more hair, though.

    Btw, I’m a bit astonished that in 46 comments nobody said the obvious: that boy on the magazine cover is cute! :-)

      1. You are right he (or she) is cute. I’d like to think it is a he put I do not trust my perception while on this site.

  18. It’s a boy. I can spot a boy in a crowded room. I also think the U.S. needs to wake up. We ban porn or treat sex as a bad word, but it’s ok to let kids watch violence on the net or tv.

  19. hahahaha this is funny…. hahahaha… “ive never experienced that” lmao.. and ITS REALLLLLY easy to get rid of a hooker hahahahahaha… man.. great laugh

  20. Our children’s masturbation fantasies are not at all TOO sexy. In fact, keep fantasizing! It’s really fun! ; )

  21. I’m mad because try as I have I have never been able to find the article by the Onion and when I was asked my age over the telephone I was told that I was too young to read it. Oh, so they can write about me fantasies but I can’t read it?
    Poppycock!

  22. OMG LOL seriously, those people dont realise that ‘pornographers’ arnt always the most…’chivalrous’… of people, that made my day. & my fantasies(being 15) arnt that WOOAAAHHH, just what has got me off before… like me and my straight (ex) best friend…. doing things… *erases previous statment about bff*

  23. “there is no love in the world, there is only pain”
    Those are, without a doubt, the four stupidest people i’ve ever seen in my entire life, how can someone say anything like that about sex? Please someone tell me this is a parody!
    Get laid for god’s sake, sex is great!
    And by the way, study some freaking history, since the beggining of civilization, people have had since as soon as they we’re biologically ready to reproduce, people waiting to be overaged to have sex is something that has only been happening for like, 100 years or so, and who’s to blame? Church, typical.

    Live and let live for f**ks sake

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