They’re afraid of Change

I’m soooo deeeep in my (the) closet. I wonder if it’s common among closeted older queers/bis to just rather leave it all there and not bother to come out. But not for the reasons younger gays/bis might think. There’s an honesty, and a huge amount of courage when you come out as a teenager. Bravery is respected no matter the circumstances. But older guys have lived with our secret so long , and we have built numerous lifelong friendships and relationships – especially among our equally older peers, and more especially among our children and other family members that coming out now might be seen quite differently. Were we just cowards our entire adult lives? Or worse, poseurs? Or even worse, liars? Especially to wives and/or ex wives. Would such a revelation be seen as overly dramatic or selfish? Even narcissistic? What would it do to those of us with long established reputations for honesty in our businesses and social networks? How would you feel about someone you thought you knew, but just found out you never knew? Could you ever trust him on anything again? It’s a tough call.

Of course the world teenage boys live in today is vastly different from the world I grew up in, and a decision to come out today is a bit less melo-dramatic. But, depending on your family’s individual ideology, maybe not much less at all.

And then, there’s one more consideration. In the 1960s-1970s when I grew up, homosexual experimentation & horseplay between teenage boys was common-but- unmentioned. It was assumed, expected and accepted that everybody in the circle jerk was straight even as we masturbated and sucked each other off. We all then, as expected, ‘graduated’ to girls when confidence and opportunity allowed. Some of us just never lost our appetite for our own gender, and it ‘worked’ to keep that to ourselves. To stay in the closet was considered good form -what was ‘done.’

So, what to do? The obvious answer of course is “NOTHING.” That sleeping dog may lie in peace, the boat is steady as she goes-unrocked by me. Dishonest? Not at all. it’s simply nobody else’s business. Truth be told, I have come to like my closet after all. In a world where so many make their lives an open book, I kinda sorta like having a deep dark secret shared only by a few intimates. Nobody gets hurt, nobody’s sensitivities are imposed upon, nobody is forced to “act” in response. It’s exciting being able to move back and forth at will between life’s different worlds. It brings a little drama, a little selfishness, even a little narcissism to life that is deliciously fun.