Why Ezra is Queer, not Gay
Ezra Miller, one of the stars of the acclaimed The Perks of Being a Wallflower, came out as queer last year and explains why he used that word to describe himself instead of gay. “It’s generational in the way that that term is newly available in a certain way,” Ezra tells The Advocate in an interview. “I think it feels the most open and inclusive and that’s what makes it apply for me, personally.”
He broke out in 2011 in the film We’ve Got to Talk About Kevin after appearing in such television shows as Royal Pains, Californication, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit. The 20-year-old’s character in Wallflower was a gay high school student involved in a secret relationship with one of the school’s football players. But unlike his Wallflower character, the actor doesn’t like refer to himself as gay.
“I think there are a lot of people who fall on this open spectrum of sexuality,” he says. “My friends and I use that word as an all-encompassing banner and for every human being. There should be an ongoing question and investigation of who you love and everything that’s involved with that very tricky and beautiful thing.”
+4
about 4 months ago
I first noticed Ezra in his delightfully quirky performance in “City Island,” a 2009 movie with Andy Garcia, Julianna Margulies and Alan Arkin. His character was a teenager who got off on watching fat girls eat. I couldn’t take my eyes off him… Still can’t.
His lifestyle choice, his opinions and his logic behind how he wants himself labeled show he’s as intelligent as he is good-looking.
about 4 months ago
It’s a shame that more young actors, musicians and athletes aren’t coming out. We’ve all seen the drama clubs at our high schools… You can’t tell me that almost all public figures in the entertainment and sports industries are straight.
Good for Ezra for being open about himself, and I just wish I was still young enough to have even the slightest chance of dating him!
about 4 months ago
I’d actually disagree, sure it would be nice to have more positive gay role models for younger people, but at the same time, having a young person go through the coming out process in the public eye is not something I would wish on my worst enemy. I had a hard enough time coming out in my circle of friends, imagine doing that in front of the world. I fully understand and respect gay celebrities (young and old) that wish to keep their sexuality hidden from the public, or at least not flaunt it around.
about 4 months ago
I partially disagree with you. So long as one is surrounded by people who love and support them, coming out should not be a major problem. Doing it alone and without any thought to whether you are ready or if those around you are ready is stupid. There seems to be a less and less of a stigma in doing so. I love this decade. It’s only a matter of time. decades from now people will look back in disgust at how Queer people have been treated. Ezra Miller is choosing to live his life honestly and proudly as only he can.
about 4 months ago
It’s a shame that “having to come out” should be such a big deal.
Regarding actors and athletes, everybody should be free to decide for themselves without peer pressure.
about 4 months ago
While I agree to an extent that coming out is a very personal thing, those who we call celebrities do have somewhat of a moral obligation to set examples for the rest of the populace. This is why a celeb getting busted for jaywalking is front page news while millions of people do the same thing in cities around the world every single day.
Coming out shouldn’t be a big deal, but for those going through it, it’s a HUGE deal. It’s the biggest deal most teenagers have ever dealt with and likely ever will. If a celeb’s coming out can make that process a little easier for even one kid. If it can get one boy or girl to open up t friends rather than let it fester until they take their own life, then any discomfort the celeb goes through is worth it. After all, they chose a path that put them in the public eye, to keep something from that public that is core to who they are is a disservice to themselves and a public that is still desperate for positive role models.
about 4 months ago
Agree with this. Celebs have the unique opportunity of showing the world that they are comfortable in their own skin. However, they can be good, bad or indifferent like anyone else. They did choose the public path and as such, to hide their true selves is a great travesty.
I hate being queer, a role model and political, but I don’t see any other way to get the message out for true civil rights. Own who you are.
about 3 months ago
What do you suggest I do? I’m writing here, what else do you suggest? This seems as good a place as any, because there are hopefully young minds open to new ideas.
Most “gay” groups are militant about their sexuality being fundamental to their identity (and equally fundamental on people being “out” as gay) , so they’re hardly going to be willing to give up the identity upon which they base their life and organizations.
I think you have misunderstood my purpose, I think what you want me (and everyone else) to do is push for more gay rights (whilst I’d argue that rights for us are the same rights that should apply to everyone) and higher gay consciousness and self identity.
A good example of “successful” higher consciousness and self-identity is black people in America. We could say they have far more rights than they used to, we can say they are respected far more than before the civil rights movement, but…but, they still live largely in segregation from white people and the stronger their “black identity” the less they interact with white people, the less they understand them and the more they feel apart from them (and vice versa).
The very thing they were fighting against (enforced segregation and being treated differently), they are now doing of their own free will and calling it consciousness and identity. This is the trap we should be wary of falling into, if we ever want to be treated as true equals or even better, no different than “straights”.
about 4 months ago
2 things
1) yes it would be hard for some young actors and singers to come out but if they would in time it would be easier, it would make it easier for kids who are not celebs to come out if some of their role models would work up the courage to do it (like Ezra has done)
2)Ezra looks a lot better in this picture then he does in some more recent ones where he is tending to look like a homeless person who has not bathed for a few weeks
about 4 months ago
So, what Ezra is saying is that he is a greedy whore and being “bisexual” is too mainstream and being “gay” even moreso.
All right, Ezra, suit yourself, kid.
about 4 months ago
That’s narrow minded of you.
about 4 months ago
Yeah, we didn’t really get a good explanation as to why “queer” is a better word than “gay.” So we are left to suppose that it’s simply more trendy.
about 4 months ago
I’m glad I’m not the only one that read it that way :)
about 4 months ago
showerbooy said “It’s a shame that “having to come out” should be such a big deal.”
It’s a shame that people have to “come out” at all, people should be given the freedom to love whoever, whenever (or indeed, not at all, if they wish, but true asexuality is very rare) without the constant pressure of defining a sexual identity, especially “gay” (and esp at a young age, when sexuality is far more fluid than later years) which seems to be far more rigid in the kind of social pressures you have to adhere to than “straight” (pressures from both gays and straights, I might add).
Whoever you choose to love and whether you choose to stick with one sex or flit between both, it should be irrelevant to how people perceive you and treat you (this is where the whole “gay identity” is going wrong, bisexual doesn’t help because it is yet another useless box).
The problem with coming out and “gay” identity is that it is only another temporary and wholly unsatisfactory box for sexual identity, just like homosexual used to be, people need to realize that categorizing people on their sexual orientation tells us as much about a person as their eye or hair color (though sexuality can be far less fixed).
Who you choose to have sex with or love has so little impact on personality (given an environment that isn’t obsessed with sexual identity) that the idea of a sexual identity is ridiculous. This is why people need to start thinking about a post-gay identity or lack thereof (complex, I know).
I applaud Ezra for not describing himself as gay (with all the hangups that comes with), but is queer that much better? Hopefully some of us will live to see days where these kind of definitions are seen as humorous examples of how backward and silly we were.
about 4 months ago
But the identities, the boxes & labels have to come first before it’s not a big deal anymore. It IS a temporary situation that will change to ‘no bid deal’ over time. But if you just sit around and wait for it to happen, it may be beyond your lifetime….certainly your can choose to involve yourself or not. Apathy can most certainly be trendy and intellectualized.
about 4 months ago
I came out as gay but gradually switched to queer with the advent of the direct action group, “Queer Nation,” in the 1990s. It is a better fit if your self description of who you are checks more boxes then just what gender you are attracted to particularly if you like guys who are more androgynous. I hate it when gay men slam guys like me by saying “I like real men” – criticizing both the age and gender non-conformity of those you prefer. As someone who dislikes such prejudicial aspects of mainstream gay male culture, I find Queer a much better fit. I am proud to be Queer!
about 4 months ago
So the boxes and labels come first, more and more people (of all sexualities) get attached to them and then, as if by magic, it’s not “a big deal” anymore and those people will happily give up those identities that they now feel passionately about……sure, that seems realistic…
Apathy, who said anything about apathy…you seem to be slightly on the defensive. My argument is that it is the boxes (sexual identity) that may have helped in the past, will prevent us from moving forward and are in fact leading us down the wrong path (“gays” in particular, humanity in general).
People spend more time sleeping, eating and doing other mundane things than expressing their sexuality, so why should sexuality or sexual preference be deemed so important to be defined as an “identity”. If we cling fervently to sexual identities as something paramount to our being, there will always be different types of love and homosexuality will always be considered the lesser.
about 3 months ago
I’m not defensive at all…just used to seeing fellow queer folks intellectualize about the boxes & labels but DO absolutely nothing but sit on the sidelines and wait for this ‘evolution’ to take place. I have no doubt that it WILL take place, but left to its own devices to trudge along, it will take a few lifetimes. My point is DO something about it while you are alive; be part of the change. Not a mandate and certainly your choice.
about 4 months ago
Some of you should be more supportive of our LGBT brothers and sisters instead of being bitchy and petty. Focus! ladies and gentlemen. Focus! It’s not about you and your petty wants and needs. Why impose your desired label on someone who would choose different? So much for personal freedom when it applys to you but not for others I guess. Call yourselves what ever you want and stop worrying about how others choose to be called.
about 3 months ago
so he’s gay, but pretentious?
about 3 months ago
I had a friend, who is gay, tell me he is sick and tired of this gay stuff on T.V.. It’s not that he’s against being gay, hell he is gay, it’s he feels that every time a guy/girl say they are in love with someone of the same sex, they have to announce that they are gay, queer,or homosexual. Well anyone watching knows that this is got to be what they are. Now a straight guy falling for a girl doesn’t say, hay, I’am straight or I’am heterosexual. The public is not 100% stupid and it’s time we stopped acting as if they where.